i'm trying not to sulk.
i got a stupid promotion with some stupid mumbo jumbo speech from my two bosses at my work which is a joke. basically it means i get paid a hundred dollars more a month to do everything marcia is too lazy to do, and get micro managed while doing it. fuck yeah. go team.
georgia got hit by a car and i found her outside a few days ago, i was really close to her and it was terrible finding her like that. she was frozen solid and there was snow on her face, she had gone missing a few days before but she leaves sometimes so i figured she would come back in a day or so. obviously she didnt. and the next day i had to pretend i was alright with a smile and sell people things with a good attitude.
i've also realized that i have once again, ive left myself with few friends since i ignored them for a good four months. i'm such an idiot. its such a stupid cycle.
i want to move but i know its the same way every where.
also because of my several weeks of self analysis ive come to realize how much of a push over ive become and may have always been, i dont stand up for myself, and stress myself out all the time because i try to hang on to the relationships i do have. but most of the time i just give up and turn my phone off, because i just feel like i might as well not try, and sometimes i just feel too busy. but my life is full of kissing other peoples asses, and then talking about how much i hate doing it, and trying to subconsciously convince myself that i'm getting somewhere. the only thing i've really accomplished in reality is how to alienate myself from being happy
on the bright side, it was sunny today.
my body is tense and my hands are tired.
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