ive come to listen for the sound

of the trucks as they move down out on ninety five

and pretend that it's the ocean

coming down to wash me clean, to wash me clean

baby do you know what i mean

easy from now on

quarter moon in a ten cent town

its time for me to lay my heartaches down

saturday night gonna make myself a name

take a month of sundays to try and explain

ding

it is spring. im watching a cardinal fly back and forth between the same two branches, from my open window in my room. i heard that birds only have a five second memory, which is why they sing, they're repeating the same thought over and over. i feel like my heart is being refreshed every day. reborn every morning. the only thing that stays constant is a little bit of ache and being aware of what makes me happy. but i feel peaceful. and peace is so different than feeling numb. it lets me feel, hurt, cry, love and be happy for the first time in my adult life and i am so thankful.

today i got to see an old mans house in east nashville (he recently passed away), who lived alone for the last forty years of his life. his wife became a lesbian and left him in the 70s and he didn't change anything after she left. he left everything exactly where it was. her shoes and clothes and furniture and he didn't move or change things. so everything in the house was in perfect condition from the 60s, it was like being in another time. i found lots of treasures and scribbles and knick knacks and even found a book on "how to stay in love" with things underlined and highlighted, i was given two beautiful umbrellas and a vacuum cleaner circa 1965 that still works perfectly. all electronics in the house still worked. the house was a gold mine. my heart was jumping. so much more i could write about this but not sure how to. except i was really lucky i was one of the few people who got to explore it. i felt like i was in the goonies.