these are the colors i am feeling

golden brown and amber tones and i am encouraged!

it snowed today, and i am in love with my lord and my man.

Debussy Clair de Lune ドビュッシー 月の光

favorite song when i was a little girl

words to this

wednesday, humpday is a gross expression

i'm trying to break in these moccasins. That is not a metaphor.

"a leather handbag, extremely worn, but with a label inside it as impressive as the one inside Mrs.snell's hat, lay on the pantry. Sandra was able to reach it without standing up. She handed it across the table to Mrs. Snell, who opened it and took out a pack of mentholated cigarettes and a folder of stork club matches."

j.d. salinger makes me want a cigarette.

what are your names?
this is dakota and im amorette
amorette?
yeah, its kinda hard to say. its french for love.

cutest tiny blonde hair blue eyed girls ive ever met.

today I learned

java and a sinker means coffee and a donut in ol people speak

i have scribbled notes from books in my purse. they are getting cluttery so i'm putting them all in this post.

"sometimes i despair of ever understanding anything right when it happens to me, seems like i have to tell it in a letter to see what it was, even though i was right there all along." -letters from sugarfork

"trout incidentally had written a book about a money tree. it had twenty dollar bills for leaves. its flowers were government bonds. its fruit was diamonds. it attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer. so it goes."

"and i asked myself about the present, how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep."

a list:

spa kit

candles

flower seeds

incense

a/c unit??????fan

house warming gifts??

another list:

antique store

shorts present - MAIL

bridgett

food stamps

elegance of the hedgehog

apply for fasfa

paper towels

"'A psychiatrist could help. There's a good man in Albany.' Finnerty shook his head. 'He'd pull me back into the center, and I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you can see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.' He nodded, 'Big undreamed of things - the people on the edge see them first.'" -player piano

exit through the gift shop - banksy film

"weighing the factors" december 2009, your weird, a little piece of glass, sea glass, sea bass

another list:

look up rugby, tn library, supposed to have a big catalogue of books that go back to the 1800's

put piano on craigslist

pay phone bill

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of Your heart. "

this is the life,

open up your eyes & seek

your wisdoms in the trees

but dreams you have to close your eyes to see

what you were meant for

what you were made for

doors will close

& open like the sky

like the part of you that dies

when you become who i was made for

what you were meant for.

once upon a time there lived

a hope inside my heart

like a shadow you've been cast in every part

but the one you were made for

what you were made for

das - astoria, oregon, u.s.a.

ive come to listen for the sound

of the trucks as they move down out on ninety five

and pretend that it's the ocean

coming down to wash me clean, to wash me clean

baby do you know what i mean

easy from now on

quarter moon in a ten cent town

its time for me to lay my heartaches down

saturday night gonna make myself a name

take a month of sundays to try and explain

ding

it is spring. im watching a cardinal fly back and forth between the same two branches, from my open window in my room. i heard that birds only have a five second memory, which is why they sing, they're repeating the same thought over and over. i feel like my heart is being refreshed every day. reborn every morning. the only thing that stays constant is a little bit of ache and being aware of what makes me happy. but i feel peaceful. and peace is so different than feeling numb. it lets me feel, hurt, cry, love and be happy for the first time in my adult life and i am so thankful.

today i got to see an old mans house in east nashville (he recently passed away), who lived alone for the last forty years of his life. his wife became a lesbian and left him in the 70s and he didn't change anything after she left. he left everything exactly where it was. her shoes and clothes and furniture and he didn't move or change things. so everything in the house was in perfect condition from the 60s, it was like being in another time. i found lots of treasures and scribbles and knick knacks and even found a book on "how to stay in love" with things underlined and highlighted, i was given two beautiful umbrellas and a vacuum cleaner circa 1965 that still works perfectly. all electronics in the house still worked. the house was a gold mine. my heart was jumping. so much more i could write about this but not sure how to. except i was really lucky i was one of the few people who got to explore it. i felt like i was in the goonies.

happy

this is my favorite of his books so far.

i have been so happy lately i just don't even know what to do with all of it

findings

reading and looking at things like this

also writing letters and ginger tea

found this

yikes

kurt where have you been all my life

so

what if someone invented a laundromat with a bar in it? yeah? you could buy people rounds and dryer rounds. i would rather get 10 more minutes of dry time than a pbr that's for sure.

broke, broken

1.10.2010

I hate it I hate it I tried to paint an octopus and I drank to much and messed it up and now I hate the painting it just reminds me of right now and I hate right now . I mean shit this pain is inspiring but its making me paint bad octopuses.

1.11.2010

today was an erasing day. lord you have my heart.