Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
get it
yeah yeah i'm getting back into riding more and i'm gonna lose some weight and you know. chubby vegetarian yeah yeah. no more bread yeah starve. im getting anxious yeah yeah i am. getting more tattoos yeah yeah yeah. more than i can afford yeah. i miss these shows yeah yeah i bend over weird yeah
i miss old friends yeahhh and that guaranteed job i had at the native american store yeah yeah i want that job
i miss old friends yeahhh and that guaranteed job i had at the native american store yeah yeah i want that job
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
really
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness,
wherefore put away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor:
for we are members one of another
Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath
neither give place to the devil
Let him that stole steal no mor: but rather let him labor, working with his hands
the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needs
let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying,
that is may minister grace unto the hearers!
and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness,
wherefore put away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor:
for we are members one of another
Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath
neither give place to the devil
Let him that stole steal no mor: but rather let him labor, working with his hands
the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needs
let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying,
that is may minister grace unto the hearers!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
aha
rough rough time
my cat knew when i got home how upset i was, and i was quiet and sortof ignoring her trying to cuddle me. but when i realized she knew, i cried, and thanked the lord for her being so sweet to me and loving on me.
then i grit my teeth, made a box, put the most important things in it, and let it go.
i am never, letting this happen to me again, that's all i know
i have a document on my computer that i intermittently write in, so i sat and read for awhile.
driving to the biggest mall in the u.s. 2006 about a year ago. back seat, headphones. our lady of bells, here they all pretend. don’t know why it just fit so great. and i remember it
there is a chinese food restaurant next door and i’m broke and i ate the last of my food today and i think this is worse than numetal torture
6:02 and 58 minutes to go and there is a man with grey hair and an ipod with a purple backpack and he looked at me and there are flies in here and i really really don’t like flies.
cleaning up from a party. stale beer smell everywhere. gum stuck in the carpet. improvised pipes out of beer cans, vomit around the porcelain toilet. trash can half full of beer. constantly finding smashed beer cans shoved into different places. bedroom light shattered into pieces, bits of glass in the carpet, cigarette butts lining the porch. beer on the tv. carpet. walls. ceiling. rug is still wet with spilled whiskey. dirty linoleum. 4 bags of cans. wondering if it was worth it.
fixed record player, get up kids album. it skips but it doesn’t matter. so perfect right now. i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing with my life. who does right.
sitting on the couch outside, playing ukulele, cigarette in my fingers, strumming with my thumb and humming along, watching a young man with a yellow bag and skinny jeans cross the street in a hurried walk while checking his watch. mid verse i see a streak of grey out of the corner of my eye and hear a thump near my head. i realize that a little bird has mistaken the house behind me for a patch of blue sky, and slid down the wall into a corner near my front door. she was either a pigeon or a dove, but a pretty bird, and she sat there for a good five or six minutes, probably a little embarrassed, and when i went inside to get a glass of water, i guess she managed to compose herself and fly away. anyway i hope she’s alright.
“why do we hide from the sun when we know we don’t have to”
my cat knew when i got home how upset i was, and i was quiet and sortof ignoring her trying to cuddle me. but when i realized she knew, i cried, and thanked the lord for her being so sweet to me and loving on me.
then i grit my teeth, made a box, put the most important things in it, and let it go.
i am never, letting this happen to me again, that's all i know
i have a document on my computer that i intermittently write in, so i sat and read for awhile.
driving to the biggest mall in the u.s. 2006 about a year ago. back seat, headphones. our lady of bells, here they all pretend. don’t know why it just fit so great. and i remember it
there is a chinese food restaurant next door and i’m broke and i ate the last of my food today and i think this is worse than numetal torture
6:02 and 58 minutes to go and there is a man with grey hair and an ipod with a purple backpack and he looked at me and there are flies in here and i really really don’t like flies.
cleaning up from a party. stale beer smell everywhere. gum stuck in the carpet. improvised pipes out of beer cans, vomit around the porcelain toilet. trash can half full of beer. constantly finding smashed beer cans shoved into different places. bedroom light shattered into pieces, bits of glass in the carpet, cigarette butts lining the porch. beer on the tv. carpet. walls. ceiling. rug is still wet with spilled whiskey. dirty linoleum. 4 bags of cans. wondering if it was worth it.
fixed record player, get up kids album. it skips but it doesn’t matter. so perfect right now. i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing with my life. who does right.
sitting on the couch outside, playing ukulele, cigarette in my fingers, strumming with my thumb and humming along, watching a young man with a yellow bag and skinny jeans cross the street in a hurried walk while checking his watch. mid verse i see a streak of grey out of the corner of my eye and hear a thump near my head. i realize that a little bird has mistaken the house behind me for a patch of blue sky, and slid down the wall into a corner near my front door. she was either a pigeon or a dove, but a pretty bird, and she sat there for a good five or six minutes, probably a little embarrassed, and when i went inside to get a glass of water, i guess she managed to compose herself and fly away. anyway i hope she’s alright.
“why do we hide from the sun when we know we don’t have to”
Friday, February 6, 2009
to shit
the last few days have been really terrible.
i'm trying not to sulk.
i got a stupid promotion with some stupid mumbo jumbo speech from my two bosses at my work which is a joke. basically it means i get paid a hundred dollars more a month to do everything marcia is too lazy to do, and get micro managed while doing it. fuck yeah. go team.
georgia got hit by a car and i found her outside a few days ago, i was really close to her and it was terrible finding her like that. she was frozen solid and there was snow on her face, she had gone missing a few days before but she leaves sometimes so i figured she would come back in a day or so. obviously she didnt. and the next day i had to pretend i was alright with a smile and sell people things with a good attitude.
i've also realized that i have once again, ive left myself with few friends since i ignored them for a good four months. i'm such an idiot. its such a stupid cycle.
i want to move but i know its the same way every where.
also because of my several weeks of self analysis ive come to realize how much of a push over ive become and may have always been, i dont stand up for myself, and stress myself out all the time because i try to hang on to the relationships i do have. but most of the time i just give up and turn my phone off, because i just feel like i might as well not try, and sometimes i just feel too busy. but my life is full of kissing other peoples asses, and then talking about how much i hate doing it, and trying to subconsciously convince myself that i'm getting somewhere. the only thing i've really accomplished in reality is how to alienate myself from being happy
on the bright side, it was sunny today.
my body is tense and my hands are tired.
i'm trying not to sulk.
i got a stupid promotion with some stupid mumbo jumbo speech from my two bosses at my work which is a joke. basically it means i get paid a hundred dollars more a month to do everything marcia is too lazy to do, and get micro managed while doing it. fuck yeah. go team.
georgia got hit by a car and i found her outside a few days ago, i was really close to her and it was terrible finding her like that. she was frozen solid and there was snow on her face, she had gone missing a few days before but she leaves sometimes so i figured she would come back in a day or so. obviously she didnt. and the next day i had to pretend i was alright with a smile and sell people things with a good attitude.
i've also realized that i have once again, ive left myself with few friends since i ignored them for a good four months. i'm such an idiot. its such a stupid cycle.
i want to move but i know its the same way every where.
also because of my several weeks of self analysis ive come to realize how much of a push over ive become and may have always been, i dont stand up for myself, and stress myself out all the time because i try to hang on to the relationships i do have. but most of the time i just give up and turn my phone off, because i just feel like i might as well not try, and sometimes i just feel too busy. but my life is full of kissing other peoples asses, and then talking about how much i hate doing it, and trying to subconsciously convince myself that i'm getting somewhere. the only thing i've really accomplished in reality is how to alienate myself from being happy
on the bright side, it was sunny today.
my body is tense and my hands are tired.
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